3. Something I need to forgive myself for.

There is plenty. Many little things I know I do wrong, or ought to do and don’t. But I think it comes down to this:

I need to forgive myself for not being perfect.

Sounds silly, doesn’t it? Everyone knows that no one is perfect. I am always perfectly willing to let others be imperfect. But knowing how dreadfully imperfect I am galls me, causes me no end of distress, and is a constant source of irritation. I cannot live up to the standards I set, and it irks me. I know so many people who think I’m perfect – or at least that I have it perfectly together. I try my hardest to dissuade them of the notion, but even so, it bothers me that I have to say so. That I have to admit to being ‘less than’ perfect.

I am moody, sometimes irritable and uncharitable.  I have whole arguments with others in my mind, when they have no idea I’ve taken offense at an imagined slight. I will rail and scream and shout – all in my head – only to find that there was no slight. the conflict I had imagined was only that. The confrontation I was imagining and dreading was nothing more than a conversation in passing. Nothing to get worked up about.

I am unkind. Sometimes my cynical hurting self will wrest control from my loving open-hearted self (the one I most like to be) and I will belittle or snipe or snark. Unkindness is something I dislike in others, and hate in myself.

I am vain. I like being and feeling pretty, and I like being admired. I like seeing the glances of men, and don’t do much to dissuade them from looking when I’m feeling vain and proud.

These are only the faults that come immediately to mind. There are hundreds of others. See? – very much not perfect.

So you see, I have a lot I need to forgive myself for. Thankfully I have a Savior who is constantly forgiving me (I have to ask a lot) and who is constantly reminding me to forgive myself and stay close to Him, so that I will become more like Him. Slowly, ever so slowly, I am inching my way.

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