Is it possible to feel Spirit-moved in a church service that seems devoid of Spirit?  If so, and I don’t feel His Presence, is the problem with me? Not the service?

I sang today in a church where everything felt somewhat sterile.  This church used to feel like home, and there were mornings that I was moved to tears, so overwhelmed was I with His Love.  They were tears of joy, and love, and Presence.

There is a saying – You can never really go home again.  It’s true, you can go back, but it’s never the same.  The nature of things is to change.  Sometimes for good and sometimes not.  This church home is no longer home.  I knew it a year ago, and I am even more aware today.  And I am not sure I can ever go back, even though I have been invited, and I politely indicated consideration of the invitation.

That was the church, the family (although of any ‘family’ I had there, I saw only 2 people) and the worship service.  Now to my worry and fear: what if it’s me – if I am so distant from the family and worship that I am the only one who felt nothing.  I wanted to – really and truly.  I had found such meaning and comfort in the centuries-old liturgy of the service in years past, and I wanted to find it again, if only for a day.  And instead I found myself ‘doing church’ instead of being in worship and communion with Christ.  This makes me sad.  And I worry that I have lost something precious, and just haven’t fully realized it yet.

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