Last time, I wrote about unconditional love, and how I try my best to express that to everyone I come into contact with. Since then, I have really gotten to thinking about it – and I have had an unsettling thought regarding my motivations. While I genuinely believe I am motivated by the sincere desire to show the love of Christ to all, there is an underlying current that I try my best to ignore, and sometimes it rears its ugly head (shattering my attempts to deny its existence). And that is a feeling of being fundamentally unworthy of being loved the same way in return. I am positive that this is the work of the Enemy – who loves to dig at wounds and twist a spider’s web of doubts and lies around our hearts. But the certainty I have regarding his nefarious work doesn’t make it any easier to ignore at times. There are days that I feel especially vulnerable. There are days that I feel especially invincible. The order of days seems to have no logic, and one will follow right after the other. Here’s the funny thing about these polar days. The days I feel invincible are good days – and I may really feel the presence of God in my life, although that’s not always the case. This is also true: The days I feel vulnerable are not necessarily the days I feel separated from God – as a matter of fact, those are often the days I pray most fervently. I know He hears me, and Loves me, and comes to my aid. I believe that when I am seeking out my God for comfort – pushing my bowed head under his wing looking for safety, those are the days that the attacks are fiercest because it angers Satan and he becomes ferocious – attacking any weak spots in my armor and reinforcing the idea that I am unworthy to be called a Daughter of The Most High God. But no matter what the Liar says, God has promised me: I am His and He is mine; there is nothing that can separate me from Him. So in my confusion and fear and weakness I will turn to God, and cry to Him, “I believe! Help me in my unbelief!” and, “Daddy, keep me safe from the monster.”
When we are weak, He is strong.
Psalm 31: 1-5
In you, O LORD, have I taken refuge; let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me, for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.
Psalm 143: 1, 2, 8-10
O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, for I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.
May your good Spirit lead me on level ground.